Let Them Know You Care
I have always enjoyed being around positive people and listening to them converse. Only one time will I take issue with their positive words: when the conversation starts with “If I die.” I politely inform them it’s a “when,” not an “if,” conversation which usually brings laughter followed by reflective thought. Think about it, and I’m sure that you will catch yourself saying “if I die” instead of “when I die.”
One of the most important things you could ever do, difficult as it may be, is to have a frank family discussion about your wishes at death. I’ve watched families do this with surprising results. Conversations begin to revolve around what is important instead of what someone thought was important. Brothers and sisters begin to connect in a way they haven’t in years and the difficult issues that surface are navigated properly. While you thought all the kids wanted to be treated equally, you find that siblings would rather their share go to their brother or sister, for a variety of reasons. No more are loved ones confused and left guessing about motives when the Will is read. Instead, there is clarity, reasoning and often times, harmony.
Set aside a specific date, time and place-preferably a neutral one. Let your loved ones know your intention is to discuss your final wishes and request that they be open-minded. Establish some ground rules: one person speaks at a time; all will get a chance to speak; respect is paramount; etc. Then openly and honestly, share your thoughts. The feedback you receive might have you alter your plans in a way that brings you the closure you had struggled to achieve. Or, it may suggest that your plan mirrors what your family had hoped. Either way, you now have definitive answers to help guide you should you believe changes are warranted.
Yes, you are taking a risk. But, haven’t you been taking measured risks your entire life?
Why not let them know you care!
Michael E. Bruder, CFP®, CTFA
Senior Financial Advisor
Senior Trust Advisor